Every day for almost a year, I posted one of my photos in a self-created community on Google+. I eventually racked up an impressive list of followers.
But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t getting what I needed, so I deleted the whole damn thing.
Lately, nothing is ever enough. There’s something lacking in my life, and I can’t figure out what it is.
I’m still writing, still taking pictures, and I enjoy both activities, but there’s a hole inside me, demanding to be filled.
Based on years of reading and study, I suspect that hole is always there. It’s what makes humans, as a species, continue pushing forward. That hole makes us want more, even if we don’t know precisely what that entails. We don’t settle. We don’t simply accept.
Many years ago, one of the networks presented a miniseries called The Thorn Birds. It revolved around a young lady in Australia, who fell in love with a priest. It was full of angst and totally wonderful. 🙂 The book is even better, and I recommend it if you like long, satisfying, epic romances.
I mention the show because in it, the priest says, with terrible longing, “I don’t know how to stop wanting.”
That describes what I’m feeling right now. He wanted the pretty young girl, despite his vows of celibacy, but I have no idea what I want. I only know that I want.