Last of the Edit Samples

There are three today. Diane gave me permission to reveal her name. Note: Diane uses Writer, which doesn’t play well with Word; some words and sentences broke in odd places, but it’s still readable. Try as I might, I couldn’t fix it. This is an intriguing start to her story. The Devil Seam

Second sample is from author A. T. Weaver, who also gave me permission to post her name. It’s from the fourth book in her Cousins series. If this is the beginning of the story (and I didn’t assume, because you know what that means), I think it would have been more effective if it had started with something more active to immediately involve the reader; the description could have waited. Also, breaking it up a little, introducing it a bit at a time, isn’t as overwhelming to the reader.  J Flowers

Our last sample begins with a slamming door, placing the reader in the thick of something. Later, however, there is another lengthy description. Please note my comment regarding that; most of it applies above, as well. last sample

It’s okay to describe how someone looks and what they’re wearing. Just don’t turn it into a laundry list. 🙂 Make a character’s description and clothing part of the action. The reader will put the pieces together as they go along.

I want to thank everyone who submitted samples for our experiment. Every one of you was brave! 🙂

Have a great weekend! See you Monday.

 

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About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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10 Responses to Last of the Edit Samples

  1. Helena Stone says:

    This series of edit samples has been fascinating and I think (hope) I may actually have learned one or two things along the way. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

  2. Jaycee Edward says:

    This was a really interesting experiment. Especially for us newbie writers. Thanks for offering to basically give your work away for free so we can see all these examples. I can’t see these on the iPad too well, so I’ll check them out when I switch to the computer later. I appreciate all those brave enough to play. I don’t know about everyone else, but I was scared to death. LOL.

  3. That isn’t the beginning of Catherine’s story.

    • Meaning this isn’t the start then? That’s why I didn’t say anything about it in the edit. I was merely pointing out that if it were the beginning, I’d suggest that change.

  4. Ginny Farnsworth says:

    I wasn’t brave enough to send anything in, but it’s been really interesting seeing the changes you make and how they improve the samples-a great learning experience. Thanks for taking the time to do it & to everyone who let you lose on their work

  5. diannegray says:

    This is great and thanks so much for the edits! I’ve loved seeing them all here and really appreciate the time you’ve taken to do these. Highly impressed, my friend! 😀

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