There are three today. Diane gave me permission to reveal her name. Note: Diane uses Writer, which doesn’t play well with Word; some words and sentences broke in odd places, but it’s still readable. Try as I might, I couldn’t fix it. This is an intriguing start to her story.
Second sample is from author A. T. Weaver, who also gave me permission to post her name. It’s from the fourth book in her Cousins series. If this is the beginning of the story (and I didn’t assume, because you know what that means), I think it would have been more effective if it had started with something more active to immediately involve the reader; the description could have waited. Also, breaking it up a little, introducing it a bit at a time, isn’t as overwhelming to the reader.
Our last sample begins with a slamming door, placing the reader in the thick of something. Later, however, there is another lengthy description. Please note my comment regarding that; most of it applies above, as well.
It’s okay to describe how someone looks and what they’re wearing. Just don’t turn it into a laundry list. 🙂 Make a character’s description and clothing part of the action. The reader will put the pieces together as they go along.
I want to thank everyone who submitted samples for our experiment. Every one of you was brave! 🙂
Have a great weekend! See you Monday.