I’m Not Dying, It’s Only a Panic Attack (and a photo)

It’s Wednesday. It’s almost March. And after a string of cold sunny days, we’re back in the soup.

Have you ever experienced that phenomenon of sitting around doing whatever and becoming aware your nerves are jumping and twanging and there’s no reason for them to be doing it? It almost feels like you want to climb out of your skin. You’re tense, anxiety-ridden, maybe on the verge of a panic attack–I used to get these some years ago. Talk about horrific!

Ever tried to tell a friend what a panic attack feels like? It’s like describing an orgasm; it really can’t be done. You have to experience it yourself. And while orgasms are wonderful, panic attacks are maybe their direct opposite because all you want to do is run screaming. Doesn’t matter where, you just know you have to go now or DIE. 

Well, I never died. In fact, I learned to wait them out. If I did, the terror eventually faded and I could go on about my business. I once suffered one in the car in Kentucky. Knowing what I know now about that state, I can understand why. ;/ But back then, all I knew was I wanted to turn around and drive the hundreds of miles home, where I felt safe.

I didn’t. I kept going, I took deep breaths, I told myself I wasn’t really going to die, it was all an illusion. And after a couple of minutes, I was fine.

The jumpy nerve thing doesn’t begin to compare, but I’ve been suffering mild episodes this last week. It’s sort of like a feeling of doom: something bad is going to happen! When I’m in that state, I can’t settle. I can’t watch TV, can’t read, can’t write.

I know why, of course. My move got delayed at almost the last minute. I had to rush around like a mad person, unchanging all the addresses I’d changed. Reschedule the movers. Unpack some stuff I’ll need before the end of March. All the while, I was trying to work and researching the WIP.

If I get hit with a panic attack this month, it’ll be the first one I’ve had in ages but I’ll know why it happened. Knowing why does help.

On gray days like this, when all I see are bare trees, and dirty snow and ice, it’s nice to remember there are places that aren’t like that. Took this photo from Mallory Square in Key West. You know I want to be there right now! The residents and tourists will party in the square tonight while the sun sets. It’s a tradition.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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8 Responses to I’m Not Dying, It’s Only a Panic Attack (and a photo)

  1. Sarah_Madison says:

    I’ve been on one of those schooners at sunset in the Keys! And sadly, I’ve been struggling with the same sorts of things you’re describing–only they keep coming back. I can tell myself it’s the culmination of *years* of stress with no relief (I took my first ‘vacation’–eight whole days!–in over a decade recently) but the reality is that maybe I need to go get checked out. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor next week. Because cutting out the caffeine and walking the dog more hasn’t really helped yet. And I need to know now if the jittery is just nerves or something else.

    I feel for you with the stress of the delayed move. Hopefully things will straighten out soon for you!

    • Thanks. This last month is gonna suck, ’cause I was ready, ya know? Psyched up to move! And then the rug got yanked out from under my feet and I landed really hard on my ass. I’m making every effort to regroup, but no way am I unpacking anything else. It all stays in boxes until move day… and that in itself is making things difficult. I no longer remember what is in which box and have already wanted something. *sigh*

      Physical exercise helps me, but if you’re walking the dog and it’s not helping, definitely get it checked out. Why not take advantage of modern medicine if you can? Feel better soon. *hug*

  2. AJ Rose says:

    Try your light box, too. Maybe it’ll help calm you.

    • The sun just broke through the murk. When it’s out, I don’t need the box unless I hide in the dark bedroom all day.

      I won’t be doing that, as I’m nervous, not depressed. ;/

      I’ve also been taking my vitamins. Need that vitamin D!

  3. therealtbaggins says:

    I have one of those special light boxes and they help a lot!

  4. diannegray says:

    That is a beautiful photograph of the boat (is this a hidden talent?)

    Moving is very stressful. I’m trying to move an entire house and half of it arrived on the farm this morning. I had nightmares all night – but it’s there safe now. Second half comes tomorrow…

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