It’s Wednesday. It’s almost March. And after a string of cold sunny days, we’re back in the soup.
Have you ever experienced that phenomenon of sitting around doing whatever and becoming aware your nerves are jumping and twanging and there’s no reason for them to be doing it? It almost feels like you want to climb out of your skin. You’re tense, anxiety-ridden, maybe on the verge of a panic attack–I used to get these some years ago. Talk about horrific!
Ever tried to tell a friend what a panic attack feels like? It’s like describing an orgasm; it really can’t be done. You have to experience it yourself. And while orgasms are wonderful, panic attacks are maybe their direct opposite because all you want to do is run screaming. Doesn’t matter where, you just know you have to go now or DIE.
Well, I never died. In fact, I learned to wait them out. If I did, the terror eventually faded and I could go on about my business. I once suffered one in the car in Kentucky. Knowing what I know now about that state, I can understand why. ;/ But back then, all I knew was I wanted to turn around and drive the hundreds of miles home, where I felt safe.
I didn’t. I kept going, I took deep breaths, I told myself I wasn’t really going to die, it was all an illusion. And after a couple of minutes, I was fine.
The jumpy nerve thing doesn’t begin to compare, but I’ve been suffering mild episodes this last week. It’s sort of like a feeling of doom: something bad is going to happen! When I’m in that state, I can’t settle. I can’t watch TV, can’t read, can’t write.
I know why, of course. My move got delayed at almost the last minute. I had to rush around like a mad person, unchanging all the addresses I’d changed. Reschedule the movers. Unpack some stuff I’ll need before the end of March. All the while, I was trying to work and researching the WIP.
If I get hit with a panic attack this month, it’ll be the first one I’ve had in ages but I’ll know why it happened. Knowing why does help.
On gray days like this, when all I see are bare trees, and dirty snow and ice, it’s nice to remember there are places that aren’t like that. Took this photo from Mallory Square in Key West. You know I want to be there right now! The residents and tourists will party in the square tonight while the sun sets. It’s a tradition.