On Being Single… Plus New Photos

Living alone has all kinds of benefits: You can eat dinner twice in one night or not at all. The volume for movies and music is always exactly right for your listening pleasure. You never have to adjust the driver’s seat in the car because you’re the only one touching the settings. You can talk to yourself at the computer and no one looks at you like you’re crazy. You never have to consult with anyone about whether or not to go somewhere, when to leave, or what route to take; you just do it. You can wear the same pair of jeans three days in a row and no one knows.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. If you’ve lived alone for any length of time, you know all the cool things only single people enjoy.

But it’s not always a pleasure being by yourself. There’s no one to cuddle with. No one to discuss things with. Whether you’re sad or angry or jumping out of your skin with happiness, you end up sharing it with the dog, who tilts her head and stares and wonders what the hell you’re talking about because you haven’t said the word ‘food’ and that’s the only thing she recognizes other than ‘ride’ and ‘out’. Unless you have friends at your beck and call, you go a lot of places by yourself and while eating out is still nice because getting waited is usually at the top of everyone’s list of favorite things, it’s not nearly as much fun if you’re the only one at the table. 

I’ve lately been giving the state of being single some thought and sometimes found it lacking. Maybe it’s time for a change.

Suki and I were walking around a local lake the other day. On that day, the sun was warm and dragonflies were still flying. Suki was off-leash because it was early afternoon and the kids were still in school; I didn’t see anyone else. I like the light in this picture of the shoreline, taken from a dock. It looks as though the grass is glowing from within.

Once the tar path reached its end point, we struck off into the woods on a trail made by everyone who had explored before us. This was my favorite part of the walk. The canopy of trees closed in overhead but I could still see the water on my right. Suki never stopped smiling.

I left the shot uncropped because I like seeing how large the woods are and how small Suki is in comparison. I made the usual adjustments and ran it through Topaz Adjust. Click on the photos to see original size.

Notice the drift of leaves across the trail. Fall came early this year, I’m told. At this rate, the leaves will be gone in just a few weeks. That makes me sad.

This year, like every year, I hope to get out during winter and take some photos. Maybe if I’m living with someone, it will happen. Sometimes I need a push.



About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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24 Responses to On Being Single… Plus New Photos

  1. Lindsaysf says:

    I’m at a similar stage, single-wise. It’s hugs and holdings I miss. Before this life ends I would love to have the experience of loving sexual exploration with a compatible and sensual partner. My previous relationships have been way too off & on sexually. On the other hand, I like my space. And my cats.

    • It’s a conundrum. I love living alone most of the time but certainly there are days when I’m tired of cooking for one and sleeping with my arms wrapped around a pillow.

      I wish you luck in your quest, Lindsay. You deserve the whole thing at least once in your life.

  2. Nobody says:

    *ALL eyebrows*
    this is like gluing your eyes to the ball at a tennis match. also giving me whiplash.
    someone save Theo from becoming an old maiden!!!

    on another note, i´ve been single for two years. happy as a clam for now.

  3. Nobody says:

    howz the book selling going? any news?

  4. Sarah_Madison says:

    Lovely post. I too, get entranced by the play of light this time of year–there is something about the spectrum of light as we move from summer to winter–right now the light takes on a particularly golden quality as the afternoon sun comes in–by winter it will be bleached out almost white instead.

    Suki is adorable. I love how she is dwarfed by the woods here.

    I’ve spent most of my adult life living alone, and like you, could see the benefits as well as the downsides. Sometimes I think living alone is a relationship of sorts as well–there are times when it works better for you than others. When you start thinking of ‘cheating’ on solitude, however, it might be time to make changes. 🙂

    I met someone–the right someone–at a time in my life when I’d long since given up on that fantasy. We’ve been together four years now and I can’t imagine a time without him in my life now. I mention it because it *can* happen. If you’d told me that four years ago, I would have laughed myself silly, asked you what drugs you were on and if you were sharing. 🙂

    • I never thought about it that way, that living alone is a relationship. But it is. You learn how to live with yourself. Most people never do. As it happens, I know several people who almost literally can’t go anywhere alone. They’re always asking friends to go with them, to the store, to the post office, for a walk. They never learned how to live with themselves and I think that’s important. You really should know who you are and what you need, and how can you do that if you’re never alone?

  5. Nobody says:

    i´m glad it´s doing well. Could be worse…no?

  6. I can honestly say, living alone is kind of the best of both worlds, you get to be single some nights, and you get to have someone the others. Though, I think one of the reasons why my husband get along so well is no one bats an eye when an inanimate object is addressed (the same is true of labs though, scientists always talk to the equipment), and no one cares if how many days a pair of pants have been worn.

    My dog (an American bulldog) is really smart and well mannered. He prefers running water, and knows the difference between hose water and shower water (shower water being easier in the winter). He loves learning tricks too. Much like Suki though, his favorite words are dog food, and he’ll go nose his container if he wants it NOW. I love how Suki’s name matches her, a cute little fluffy dog.

    • See, that’s the problem. I really like living alone most of the time. I like that independence and being able to scratch my ass or belch without thinking I’ve offended someone. There are days I get up and know I need a shower badly, but I’ll put it off because I have to write this one thing down before I forget it and before you know, it’s noon and I still stink. Living alone, that doesn’t bother me much. A partner might be appalled.

      Suki is a real cutie, but she’s fragile. There are days when she just doesn’t feel well. She’s been a real joy to have around though, and she gets me away from the laptop for walks in the woods, which is always good.

      • AJ Rose says:

        Do you really think I don’t already know the ass scratching and belching? Or that I’d care if you talk to your plants or kick the fridge door too hard because it sticks and you’re frustrated?

        Your showering habits don’t bother me. More incentive for me to pull you away from work to entice you to shower with me.

        I already know all this. Give me a little credit. Sheesh.

        *resumes biting tongue on the rest of this thread*

      • I think you get to the point with someone where you are pretty comfortable with that stuff. Both my husband and I have angry bowels (I know, TMI) but the morning of the wedding, he called me, and that’s what we had a 10 minute conversation about, our stomachs. I think the rest of it was, “So, it’s about time we got married huh?” A lot of it seems to be that we’re not supposed to show this behavior, so we’re more uncomfortable with it (the scratcher) than the witness of said scratching.

        Is Suki an old lady? My husband had a Frenchie who was 11, and she was still full of piss and vinegar. I can honestly say, one thing I like about our current dog is he’s sturdy like pony, but he’s like 2. He does make me chase him around the yard, and that was all of the exercise I was getting for a bit.

        • She’s eight, so not old. But small dogs like that often suffer physical problems larger ones don’t. It’s important she stay thin so her knees don’t have a lot of weight put on them. Her insides rebel about once a month for no reason I can see. Sometimes she follows me around, head hanging, because she feels bad and wants to sit in my lap to get close to me.

          I’ve lived with someone a couple of times, so I know about getting comfortable with stuff. It’s still embarrassing once in a while. ;/ Angry bowels? I have them. I even gave them to Gray in Three of Swords.

          • Yes, being a white bulldog, our dog has a few built in issues, like sensitive skin (we had to buy him booties for the winter) and boy is he gassy. It took us a bit to find food for him that worked. It’s probably a good thing I don’t have her, cuz I spoil our dog rotten, and I’d end up being the weirdo with the dog in the baby sling, because I’d just strap her to me if she was mopey.

            I guess growing up in the woods away from proper society has its advantages, because I’m way less bothered by that stuff than most people. I had a reviewer say about a story something along the lines of: Why would a woman write about that?

          • Also, I thought your depiction of bowel distress was very realistic, so that explains why.

          • I didn’t want to get into any kind of detail ’cause most readers really don’t want to know. But bowel complaints are common in humans and for once, I wanted IBS to serve a good purpose in a story. LOL If not for that, Gray wouldn’t have been able to escape to the bathroom and done his white light thing.

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