I was laying in bed last night, tossing and turning and wide awake because I’d been editing all day and my mind was burning like a super nova, when the Harry Potter writer popped into my head. Yes, out of nowhere. Although I’ve read the series, it’s been a while.
I remember reading she was on welfare when she started writing the first book. This morning, I double-checked: not welfare, social security. She was single and had a young daughter. While she was stuck on a train for four hours, the entire Potter story came into her head, complete.
I wondered why a young single woman with a daughter would write a series about a young boy. Most women would write about a young girl, seeing themselves as the heroine of the story. But she made a boy the hero.
And then this morning, I read an entry over on Thorny, Not Prickly that opened my eyes (they needed opening after such a rough night) about being gender fluid. In RL, I’m like that. I have a female side and I let her out once in a while, but mostly I am exactly who you see here: swaggering, male, profane, and taking a dominant role in life.
Recently, I discovered I’d lost someone I thought of as a friend because of this– because I’m gender fluid–and it hurt. Being part of a community I thought was open-minded enough to accept me, warts and all, I never expected to run into a wall of judgment. Yes, she judged me and found me lacking, and it caused me pain. She was an online friend. We were planning to meet and get to know one another but now it will never happen.
If you read the review of Phoenix Rising at Jessewave, you noticed there was a lot of discussion about my gender. I was floored that, in a review of my book, people cared which genitals I had. Does it fucking matter?
Whether I have a cock or a vagina or nothing there at all, I’m still the person you got to know here. I’ve already said some of the stuff I post here is fiction. I plan to keep my real life private, and so you will never get every piece of me, nor should anyone expect to. But the thoughts and emotions and opinions are very much me. Ask any of my friends. Hell, ask AJ. He knows. 🙂
So if you’re going to judge me, judge me by how I live, by my kindness and my generosity toward others, by my morality and ethics, not by what’s between my legs because that doesn’t matter.