Friend vs Lover

I haven’t spoken to JJ in, what, a week? It seems longer. I wonder how he’s doing. I wonder if he hooked up with that guy he took home a while back or found someone new. I wonder if he misses me, because I miss him. But I have someone to think about, too. After all these years, AJ and I are single at the same time and he’s putting moves on me.

I visited him yesterday before he had to go to work, and he told me to stay after he left. I even helped myself to cold pizza from the fridge while I continued writing on my laptop. His dog, Princess, didn’t seem to mind, especially after I threw him the crust. Suki got her ten percent, too. 

AJ’s place is much nicer than mine. Quieter, too, and the view off the balcony is great; meadow and trees and a walking trail. I cracked the door and listened to the birds singing.

I know where the story is going now. I just have to write it. But I keep getting distracted by what AJ did, which was give me one hell of a kiss while wearing nothing more than a towel. It’s been a while, ya know? If he hadn’t been heading off to work, I might have followed that up by dragging him to bed.

That makes me feel one part guilty, one part horny, and while those sides are fighting it out, I can’t do a thing. Because the truth is, I don’t want another casual relationship, and I certainly wouldn’t use AJ that way.

If we do this thing, it has to be treated with respect and care and it’ll take as long as it takes. Maybe one of us will decide somewhere along the way that’s it not worth it, that it doesn’t feel right, that we need to remain friends and not move into something romantic.

How many times have I heard you should first be friends with your lover? AJ and I are certainly friends, but whether or not we can successfully become lovers is still unclear.

About Theo Fenraven

Theo Fenraven lives in St Paul, MN, where it is really cold most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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8 Responses to Friend vs Lover

  1. My heart has been breaking over your posts lately. From what i have read from you i can say that you deserve all the happiness you can find and from my corner of the world I think that AJ could be that happiness. There is so much neither of you can see. But I think that one step at a time is a good place to start. Blessings and luck to you both

    oxoxox

    silver

    • Thanks. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. He and I get along well, and getting together seems to make sense. At the same time, I’m afraid of compromising our friendship, which is precious to me.

      Why are these things never easy?

      • I dont know darling but sometimes the Easy things aren’t always the best for us.. I think that you both are adult enough to at least give it the old College try.. Your good enough friends to know that if something isn’t right you can talk about it KWIM? Friends before lovers sometimes can be a good thing. whatever you deiced to do I think you both will be ok. Also remember that AJ has had the hots for you (yea i know cheesy) for a while now its been hit and miss.. maybe its been for a reason. Somethings the best things in life are right under our noses. I learned that lesson the hard way.. Thankfully we are still best friends but sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i tried harder and stayed and fraught for what i wanted instead of thinking it was for the best to walk away.. Anyways no matter what both of you be happy…

      • Happiness is relative. Whatever happens, happens. Love is an odd duck. You can’t really control or direct it. More often, it controls you. :)

  2. abichica says:

    i have been fully caught up with what has been happening in your life the past few weeks that i havent been around, it is so very weird how vastly someone’s life can change in a short few weeks. My heart is breaking for you and i am glad that you have AJ with you to help get through this time, and i have heard that best friends make the best lovers.. so i say go for it, how will you know unless you try right?? :-D all the best to you.. :-)

    • :) Honestly? Part of me wants to rush right into this but I know I need to take my time. I don’t want to blow it, because this could be something good, something lasting, and if I rush…yeah, that could ruin it.

      Nice to see you back, btw!

  3. “It is a risk to love.
    But what if it doesn’t work out?
    Ah, but what if it does. ”
    ― Peter McWilliams

    Indeed. What if?

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