You read that correctly. Last night, I forced myself to go to a party with AJ. You can read his account of it here.
I wasn’t in the mood, even though the weather was fine enough. A bit humid, but warm. His neighbor was barbecuing, there was liquor, and I met some nice people.
But throughout, all I could think about was missing JJ. Well, that, and watching Misty, the neighbor, hit on AJ. That was extremely amusing. She pretty much followed him around for the first hour, and after he kept shooting ‘help me’ looks, I finally relented and sat next to him on the balcony, where he gratefully slipped a hand in mine to indicate his orientation.
Misty ain’t stupid. She got it right away, and even though I expected some serious pouting on her part at the revelation, she surprised me by dropping the Jessica Rabbit act and started relating to AJ like a real person, instead of a body driven by hormones. Turns out, Misty is pleasant and smart and has a wicked way with words.
We had a good time after that, though sadness was lodged in my chest like a dagger to the heart, but we left early, both of us relatively sober. I just couldn’t get into enjoying myself. I still felt shattered by JJ’s decision. When AJ offered me his guest room, I accepted, not wanting to return to my empty apartment. I’d dropped Suki off to hang with Princess when I first arrived, and after saying good night, I curled up with her on the spare bed and tried to sleep.
Didn’t work. I couldn’t let consciousness go, so instead, I started talking to Suki in a really low voice, telling her how I felt and how I missed him and what a shit I’d been to him sometimes and how sorry I was about that and watched her ears flicking back and forth as she listened. When the tears came, I just kept whispering into the darkness.