Further Developments: AJ, JJ, and Me

AJ and I had lunch in Stillwater today. Some conversation happened that you should be aware of. Go here to read, then return.

After AJ dropped me off, I called JJ even though I was still drunk. “I wanted to tell you what happened today with AJ before you read it on his blog.”

“And what happened?”

“I kissed him.” 

There was a pause. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Kind of.”

I heard a long sigh. “Was this revenge for me fucking some guy last night?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to kiss him.”

“Are we fooling ourselves, Fen? Can our relationship survive this distance? Because right now, I’m not feeling it.”

I rubbed a hand over my eyes. “I love you, babe. You know that.” Suki jumped in my lap, turned twice, and lay down. I started stroking her soft fur. “I was really pissed when you told me you took some guy home. Then, talking with AJ, I realized it was nothing, just like you said.” I stroked Suki’s ears. “Ever hear that old Stephen Stills song, Love the One You’re With?”

“Can’t say I have but the title sort of tells the story.”

“I want to fuck AJ.” Breath caught in my throat. “He’s here and you’re not and I’m lonely and horny and, well, you get the idea, and isn’t it better I fuck him than some stranger?”

Silence.

And then…”You love him, don’t you?”

“Always have, but we’ve never, you know, expressed it physically, not in that way.” My head started to spin. “Why can’t I goddamn have you both? Why?”

“Fen…I can’t deal with this right now.”

It was his turn to end the call, and he did.

I put my cell down and stared at the wall, which seemed to be softly glowing. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this confused.

I didn’t like it.

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About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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One Response to Further Developments: AJ, JJ, and Me

  1. Damn! I don’t even know how to explain what I see in plain sight. *sigh*

    It was so unfair to ask Andy to help you when you were feeling lonely and horny. It was selfish. He deserved better and you know that! And I’m only saying this because what you did was long ago. You’re human, babe. You were missing your boyfriend but it’s not an excuse.

    Eff! What a mess!!! It’s perfectly clear to me how you really felt at that moment. No point on saying it now. Maybe it was a good thing that I was not around to see this mess. But at the same time, it sucks I was not here to help. Damn!

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed, I’ll never be. Love you too much. And even if sometimes I would not like some of your decisions, I’ll always be here to support you. But this hurts like hell because I love AJ too. He’s my friend too. OMG! I’m wishing with all my heart this thing ended as I want it to end. The right end. What is meant to be but you two have been too stubborn or too scared to admit.

    *End of rant*

    I love you, babe. So sorry I was not here to support you. *huge hugs*

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