AJ and I had lunch in Stillwater today. Some conversation happened that you should be aware of. Go here to read, then return.
After AJ dropped me off, I called JJ even though I was still drunk. “I wanted to tell you what happened today with AJ before you read it on his blog.”
“And what happened?”
“I kissed him.”
There was a pause. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”
I heard a long sigh. “Was this revenge for me fucking some guy last night?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to kiss him.”
“Are we fooling ourselves, Fen? Can our relationship survive this distance? Because right now, I’m not feeling it.”
I rubbed a hand over my eyes. “I love you, babe. You know that.” Suki jumped in my lap, turned twice, and lay down. I started stroking her soft fur. “I was really pissed when you told me you took some guy home. Then, talking with AJ, I realized it was nothing, just like you said.” I stroked Suki’s ears. “Ever hear that old Stephen Stills song, Love the One You’re With?”
“Can’t say I have but the title sort of tells the story.”
“I want to fuck AJ.” Breath caught in my throat. “He’s here and you’re not and I’m lonely and horny and, well, you get the idea, and isn’t it better I fuck him than some stranger?”
And then…”You love him, don’t you?”
“Always have, but we’ve never, you know, expressed it physically, not in that way.” My head started to spin. “Why can’t I goddamn have you both? Why?”
“Fen…I can’t deal with this right now.”
It was his turn to end the call, and he did.
I put my cell down and stared at the wall, which seemed to be softly glowing. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this confused.
I didn’t like it.