This Should Brighten Up Your Day

I couldn’t stop laughing when I read the following exchange. This is real, by the way. A friend of mine in Florida sent me these via email. They are dated 3/9/12 and concern my friend’s brother, who was terminated from his business.

This first letter is a jpg of the letter the lawyer sent to my friend. Identifying names have been blacked out to protect the idiots. 

Note “Esquire” in the signature. How pretentious is THAT?

This next bit is my friend’s response to the lawyer’s letter, above.

Re: Your communication of March 6th 2012.

Dear Mr. Squirrel:

I have received your threatening notice making unfounded slanderous accusations as to my conduct and intent. It has also been brought to my attention that you have also disseminated these false accusations causing me great emotional distress and some financial loss.

A little investigation on your part would have shown that I have never had any administrative or maintenance access to your client’s website whatsoever, and have no business relationship with BlahBlah. (You will never be a partner if you are this lazy and sloppy and expose the senior partners to reckless liability.) *face palm, shakes head*

It is very clear that this criminal harassment results from D. M.’s suspicion that I am having an affair with his wife. This may or may not be true *wink*, but has no bearing on my character, intent or conduct in regards to your client’s website.

I believe that the M’s were having marital problems long before I met either one of them, however if Mr. M has any evidence to support his suspicions, I would be more than happy to make up some excuse for my libidinous behavior that may or may not have taken place.

Please note any future communications concerning your client’s website should be sent in a mailing tube to facilitate sticking it up your ass.

With all due respect,



He signed it with his name, followed by “Lord of Drakan and Slayer of Frost Giants.” We chatted on the phone once I stopped laughing. He says it’s only the first round and he’s looking forward to the next one. Oh, and my friend didn’t sleep with the wife. He only wanted the guy to think so. LOL


About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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3 Responses to This Should Brighten Up Your Day

  1. eeper says:

    Lol. I’m hoping your friend’ll let you put up any more letters or emails he may get for us to read.

  2. Bwahahahahahaha xD I love your friend. I’m a lawyer, so you could imagine how funny this sh*t is for me and I’ve seen so many stupid stuff in my career. This one is priceless! Thanks for sharing it.

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