Coming Out


Once upon a time, Theo Fenraven was just plain Fenraven, or ‘Fen’ as my friends call me, and known all over the internet as a smart, funny, sexy writer of fanfic of various types. In the beginning it was het and then it became slash, and all of it had sex in it. I found out I was good at writing that stuff, so when I was laid off for a year, I put out a lot, like a full-length novel and 26 short stories. Before that, I wrote on and off but I was rusty as hell; writing fanfic gave me back my writing chops. 

Then I found I I was good enough to be published. And the first publisher said, “You need an author’s page.” Fenraven already had an LJ, but I’d been pretty open about my real life there, so I created Theo’s LJ and WP because I needed to protect my identity. The reasons behind this are pretty obvious: I work with people who would not approve of my new writing career (“You write <i>porn?</i> What the fuck, you’re fired.”), and certain friends and family would frown and be perverse and make my life a living hell. I also currently live alone and don’t need wackos searching for my address and knocking on the door, and we all know they’re out there. I am adamant about keeping my private life private. 

So Fenraven became Theo Fenraven, and he had a fuck of a lot to say, about almost everything. I created a monster! The minute I gave him his own page, he took off like a rocket. 

So what’s real about Theo and what isn’t? Theo is gay, and I’m pansexual. All the emotions and reactions and opinions he expressed are real; he is merely an extension of the real me. JJ exists. I lived with him for years, but now we are just BFF. Suki is real; she’s the child I will never have and she really goes to work with me every day. I’m a bookeeper, just like Theo. Kathy exists, Billy does not. Lucy is the neighbor I wish I had. AJ Rose is real; he’s my friend and I love him. All the publishing news I posted is, of course, real. 

I don’t live in NYC; that was part of the protective smokescreen. My mom isn’t dying of cancer; she’s one goddamn healthy bitch and one of the people who’d be unhappy to find out what I write. This fiction was a device to get Theo back to the upper Midwest, where I do live. Theo’s Florida obsession? Mine as well. I lived there for 18 months and so did Theo. Someday, god willing and the creek don’t rise… 

So now you have a choice. You can flip me off and never talk to me again, or you can continue to drop by to see what Theo does next, because he’s going to continue writing about his life here. He insists on it, the mouthy fucker. And I guarantee you will enjoy the story he continues to spin, because I know what’s coming and you don’t. But if you keep visiting me, you will, too. 🙂 What do they call it when real life and fiction collide? Because that’s what this blog is: It’s a seamless combination of me and Theo. 

A lot of you followed me over from Fen’s original LJ and already know this crap. Hope I didn’t bore you with the recap. For the newer followers, I apologize if this comes as a surprise or causes you to feel betrayed or hurt in any way. That most definitely was not my intention. 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.



 
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About Fenraven

Fenraven happily lives in south Florida, where it is really hot most of the year. Find him on Twitter, Google +, and Facebook by searching on 'fenraven'.
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9 Responses to Coming Out

  1. Edhelwing says:

    This doesn’t perturb me in the slightest. I consider Theo one of my interweb friends and still plan on sharing his highs and his lows, regardless of the fact that Theo partially exits online in the world of fiction. I would still like to get to know the person behind the scenes as well, but that is not something that i feel has to happen in order to still enjoy these stories. It would be fun though, like getting two friends for the price of one, lol. Still love hearing about your life.
    ~Edhelwing

  2. Thank you Theo and very well said..

    silver

    • Thanks! I appreciate your support. This was…hard.

      • I can only Imagine how hard it was for you to do this.. It was brave considering some thing the things that have been going on.. The closed mindedness of some people resonates in so many things that it makes me fear as an up and coming writing if I should even bother.. i have wrestled with this a lot lately.. However if i could put myself in yours and AJ’s shoes and at least imagine how hard it has been for you both at the very least it makes me feel that if you 2 can put yourselves out there maybe i can too.. sadly i think i am rambling so i will end it here

        your welcome and thank you again for being so brave

  3. I love you Theo, no matter what. Your heart is the most important to me. Your private life is private and is your decision what you are willing to share with the public. I love reading your blog and I’m glad it’s not going to change. It was something very brave to do but at the same time it was liberating. Now, you can feel completely comfortable in your own skin without worrying about this anymore. You are not the first or the last person that reflects their existence in a different way on the web, and whoever says the contrary is lying.

    You are an amazing writer, someone that I respect and admire very much. That’s not going to change either.

    Hugs.

  4. gary1964jr says:

    Wow! I am a fairly new follower of Theo. I have enjoyed what I have been reading about him and I will continue to follow him.
    I can understand that you would need to keep your private life separate from Theo and hey, I can always use a good surprise every now and then.
    Keep up the great work and I look forward to the next chapter on Theo. I also look forward to reading your published work.
    Thanks, G.

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